Now those 5 words have been haunting me all day! What do they really mean?
Do they mean "I don't want anything anymore, because I already have everything I could never need?"
Or do they mean "I don't want anything anymore, because I can't take this anymore and I'm done?"
As I sit here, I realize none of you know what I am talking about because it has been so long since I last wrote. I promise that I will get back into the swing of things. But right now, in this every second, minute, hour, day all I can think about is those 5 words.
Wondering if those are the last 5 words I am going to hear from you, or was this just something that you needed time to think and you'll be back.
All I can say is these last few seconds, minutes, & hours have been the hardest I've had to face in a long time.................
"So that's it?"
Monday, August 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I "Like" You
In life you choose a path, either a path of self control and the feeling or self worth, or you choose the path less traveled.
Now as many of you know about me, I come off as a strong, independent, no BS kind of girl. Sometimes that makes me look like a “bully” or a “bitch” others it shows people how strong I am.
Now yes I am this person. But sometimes I have my moments in life I’m not necessarily proud of. I let my little insecurities get the best of me and I make the wrong decisions.
Now unfortunately this is a time in my life where that little insecure Maggie has come out, and it’s ruining a relationship that I’ve waited so long for. A person I’ve waited 6 years for, and for what? For this little piece of me that just needs to SHUT UP!
I’m NOT that person, I have faith in him, and I trust him more then he will ever know. But then WHY does this tiny little thing take over once in a while?
I’m not even going to waste my time trying to figure out why! I’m moving forward, without that doubt, without those trust issues and on with what I hope to be the greatest thing in my life. Now, that’s saying he even wants that from me anymore.
I’ve really screwed up. I wasn’t the friend he was looking for, I was adding more stress then happiness and now I understand why he made the choice he did.
My life is in God’s hands, and I pray to God he brings him back to me. (as cheesy as this sounds)
I pray that he realizes that I made one mistake and that we can move on from this even stronger then we were before.
This man has brought so much Joy, Love, and Happiness to my life I can’t Thank Him enough!
He will always be a friend, I will always be there for him, and I hope he knows that.
I just hope that since I believed in second chances with him, he can believe in second chances with me.
Now all I can do is sit here and wait. Every minute feels like an hour, and every hour feels like a day.
I “Like” You So Much!!!!
Maggie
Monday, July 12, 2010
Have you ever.......
Have you ever wondered if what wasn't meant to be could be again?
Have you ever thought to yourself, "If it's meant to be it will happen?"
Do you believe in fate?
Do you believe God has chosen 1 person out there just for you?
But what if you met this person when you were young, stupid and immature. At a time in life where you were no where ready for that type of commitment.
Do you ever wonder if God would bring that person back to you, when your at a time in your life where you are ready for that? When you've both growin up, lived a little and now know what you want and what is best?
Which brings me back to my first question, Have you ever thought to yourself "If it's meant to be it will happen?". And if that one thing comes back would you let it back in? Would you allow yourself that temptation of possibly getting hurt?
OR would you through caution to the wind and just GO FOR IT!?
What if this is your only chance to make things right again?
What if this is your "Soul Mate", if that's even a true thing?
What if....
What if...
What if...
Well I don't know about you, but I can't live my life filled with "What if". So I'm putting this is God's hands, it's up to him what happens and I'm ok with that. I know that whatever happens is God's plan and there's nothing I can do change that, it's fate.
Have you ever thought to yourself, "If it's meant to be it will happen?"
Do you believe in fate?
Do you believe God has chosen 1 person out there just for you?
But what if you met this person when you were young, stupid and immature. At a time in life where you were no where ready for that type of commitment.
Do you ever wonder if God would bring that person back to you, when your at a time in your life where you are ready for that? When you've both growin up, lived a little and now know what you want and what is best?
Which brings me back to my first question, Have you ever thought to yourself "If it's meant to be it will happen?". And if that one thing comes back would you let it back in? Would you allow yourself that temptation of possibly getting hurt?
OR would you through caution to the wind and just GO FOR IT!?
What if this is your only chance to make things right again?
What if this is your "Soul Mate", if that's even a true thing?
What if....
What if...
What if...
Well I don't know about you, but I can't live my life filled with "What if". So I'm putting this is God's hands, it's up to him what happens and I'm ok with that. I know that whatever happens is God's plan and there's nothing I can do change that, it's fate.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Please Lord............
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Best Birthday Ever!!!!
What can I say, I had the best 25th Birthday Weekend anyone could ask for. I enjoyed spending time with my family and friends.
Thursday I was chomping at the bit to get the heck out of work and get on the road.
I picked up my nieces Ava & Stella, stopped at Target for some last minute stuff then off we went! Traffic wasn't to bad until we got to the lake and that was stop and go for a while. The girls sang and danced in the car then fell right to sleep after about an hour. It's a givin that they fall asleep in the car :)
The sweetest thing was watching my sister with my nieces once we got there. She missed them so much and you could tell they missed her too!
I can't tell you how much I love those little peanuts, they are so funny, happy, and down right hilarious little things! In the words of Ava, "Mama!!! I WANT A NAP!!!!" ha ha thank you Ava we all had a great laugh over that one.
My best friend Emily came up for the weekend, which was such a treat! I don't think I express to her enough just how much she means to me. Emily has been the glue that has kept me together these past 8 months and I can't Thank her enough. I know I have a hard time expressing things sometimes, but I truly hope she realizes just how much I care about her and her future little family :)
I can't wait to be an Auntie again and spoil that little one once he/she gets here!
This year was a HUGE change of pace compared to the last 10 years over my birthday/4th of July weekend. I normally have 10+ people up at the cabin, but this year after everything that has been going on I knew my family and myself just needed a break from all the craziness of a house full and we kept it to just family.
I think we truly needed that time together to rebound.
We went out on Saturday night for my 25th birthday! My gosh where did time go?! I can't believe I am 25 already. I can remember back in high school hanging out with Erin and her and I talking about where we would be by the time we were 25 and thinking that it was so OLD.
But now here I am, 25 and I have only reached one of my goals I had set for myself. Now I know making goals at 15 isn't to realistic because I had no idea where my life was going to take me 10 years later. I always imagined I would be married, with a little white picked fence, a dog and a kid by now.
But I've had to come to a realization that my plains were not God's plans for me and that's OK. I know God had a hand in every relationship I have ever had, and I know for a fact that he did not feel that any of those people were right or good enough for me. So I will just wait as long as it takes to find that someone who respect me, loves me, and accepts me craziness and all! :) ha ha
No matter how long it takes, I will NEVER settle for less then the best. I deserve it.
One day when I'm ready I will live out my dreams, but right now I know my life needs to be focused on me. As selfish as that sounds I know it's true. I know that I need to finally put myself first. Do you put yourself first? Do you do things that make you happy? If not change that! It doesn't matter if your a husband, wife, mother, father, grandmother, or grandfather, no matter what role in life you play, no matter how important, you must still find time to put yourself first.
Even if it's a walk, or a nap, do something that makes you happy. I've learned that no matter how much someone tells you they love you, or tell you how beautiful you are it's not enough if you don't feel that way about yourself.
No matter how many times my ex told me I was beautiful I never felt that way, I never understood why he saw me like that. Not until I truly put myself first and started to improve me did I truly understand why he told me I was beautiful. As most of you know that relationship did not end well, but one thing that, that man never did was make me feel ugly. He truly went out of his way to make me feel beautiful. So if there's only one good thing I can take out of that relationship, or one thing I could actually thank him for it would be that.
Bare with me guys I know this is getting long, but so much has been going on, and I just feel like I need to inspire myself and others right now. I need the motivation to get my butt back into things today. I didn't do so great at the cabin this weekend. I did however makes sure I went for walks and it was so hot I think I sweated out just as much as I would have at the gym.
As I sit here at work I can't stop thinking about getting to the gym! I need to get back to the daily grind, I truly miss it. I miss that sweat, hard work, and that amazing feeling after it's all said and done. That high you get leaving, knowing you just spent 2 hours of your day doing something good for yourself!
Oh my gosh I don't want to forget to mention something. I have truly found a new respect and love for my parents. Yesterday we spent an hour just the three of us sitting in the living just talking about life, joking around with each other and laughing so much. Yes we tend to pick on each other but it's all in good fun. I know my parent's love me but I also know I needed to get out of their house and they needed me to leave. I needed to realize what it's like to truly grow up, and they needed to be empty nesters. Now I do see my Mom almost every day still because we go to the gym together but my Dad and I now have a stronger bond I think because I don't live with them. There's a new respect level, and I believe they now see me more as an adult. And to be completely honest, I wouldn't give up that feeling for anything in this whole world.
Now if you know me pretty well you may already know that I have a hard time expressing my feelings about current things. It's so easy for me to say I love you, give hugs and kisses to my nieces, I could do it all day.
However, I have a hard time doing that with anyone else. I'm slowly starting to come out of my shell but I am very reserved and closed off to a lot of people. It's hard for me sometimes to say I love you, or even give a hug. Not because I don't love you, but because I am now scared of opening up to anyone. All I can say right now if you're reading this and you feel as if I do not show you that I care about you, or that I love you, please take my word for it. I truly love you and I am so grateful to have you in my life.
So now that it is already Tuesday, I'm so off on my days! I have to get back to the grind of life, focus on me, move forward and love me! I am going to leave everyone on some good notes, I'm going to share some of my favorite pictures from this past weekend and share with you some of my favorite quotes. These quotes help me get through tough days.
I hope you all enjoyed your weekend as much as I did!
Until next time,
Health & Happiness
Mags
RIP Grandpa Munn
"If you don't get lost there's a chance you may never be found" ~ Unknown Author
"I'll never reach my destination if I never try, so I will sail my vessel til the river runs dry" ~ Garth Brooks
"I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want." ~Mark Twain
Thursday I was chomping at the bit to get the heck out of work and get on the road.
I picked up my nieces Ava & Stella, stopped at Target for some last minute stuff then off we went! Traffic wasn't to bad until we got to the lake and that was stop and go for a while. The girls sang and danced in the car then fell right to sleep after about an hour. It's a givin that they fall asleep in the car :)
The sweetest thing was watching my sister with my nieces once we got there. She missed them so much and you could tell they missed her too!
I can't tell you how much I love those little peanuts, they are so funny, happy, and down right hilarious little things! In the words of Ava, "Mama!!! I WANT A NAP!!!!" ha ha thank you Ava we all had a great laugh over that one.
My best friend Emily came up for the weekend, which was such a treat! I don't think I express to her enough just how much she means to me. Emily has been the glue that has kept me together these past 8 months and I can't Thank her enough. I know I have a hard time expressing things sometimes, but I truly hope she realizes just how much I care about her and her future little family :)
I can't wait to be an Auntie again and spoil that little one once he/she gets here!
This year was a HUGE change of pace compared to the last 10 years over my birthday/4th of July weekend. I normally have 10+ people up at the cabin, but this year after everything that has been going on I knew my family and myself just needed a break from all the craziness of a house full and we kept it to just family.
I think we truly needed that time together to rebound.
We went out on Saturday night for my 25th birthday! My gosh where did time go?! I can't believe I am 25 already. I can remember back in high school hanging out with Erin and her and I talking about where we would be by the time we were 25 and thinking that it was so OLD.
But now here I am, 25 and I have only reached one of my goals I had set for myself. Now I know making goals at 15 isn't to realistic because I had no idea where my life was going to take me 10 years later. I always imagined I would be married, with a little white picked fence, a dog and a kid by now.
But I've had to come to a realization that my plains were not God's plans for me and that's OK. I know God had a hand in every relationship I have ever had, and I know for a fact that he did not feel that any of those people were right or good enough for me. So I will just wait as long as it takes to find that someone who respect me, loves me, and accepts me craziness and all! :) ha ha
No matter how long it takes, I will NEVER settle for less then the best. I deserve it.
One day when I'm ready I will live out my dreams, but right now I know my life needs to be focused on me. As selfish as that sounds I know it's true. I know that I need to finally put myself first. Do you put yourself first? Do you do things that make you happy? If not change that! It doesn't matter if your a husband, wife, mother, father, grandmother, or grandfather, no matter what role in life you play, no matter how important, you must still find time to put yourself first.
Even if it's a walk, or a nap, do something that makes you happy. I've learned that no matter how much someone tells you they love you, or tell you how beautiful you are it's not enough if you don't feel that way about yourself.
No matter how many times my ex told me I was beautiful I never felt that way, I never understood why he saw me like that. Not until I truly put myself first and started to improve me did I truly understand why he told me I was beautiful. As most of you know that relationship did not end well, but one thing that, that man never did was make me feel ugly. He truly went out of his way to make me feel beautiful. So if there's only one good thing I can take out of that relationship, or one thing I could actually thank him for it would be that.
Bare with me guys I know this is getting long, but so much has been going on, and I just feel like I need to inspire myself and others right now. I need the motivation to get my butt back into things today. I didn't do so great at the cabin this weekend. I did however makes sure I went for walks and it was so hot I think I sweated out just as much as I would have at the gym.
As I sit here at work I can't stop thinking about getting to the gym! I need to get back to the daily grind, I truly miss it. I miss that sweat, hard work, and that amazing feeling after it's all said and done. That high you get leaving, knowing you just spent 2 hours of your day doing something good for yourself!
Oh my gosh I don't want to forget to mention something. I have truly found a new respect and love for my parents. Yesterday we spent an hour just the three of us sitting in the living just talking about life, joking around with each other and laughing so much. Yes we tend to pick on each other but it's all in good fun. I know my parent's love me but I also know I needed to get out of their house and they needed me to leave. I needed to realize what it's like to truly grow up, and they needed to be empty nesters. Now I do see my Mom almost every day still because we go to the gym together but my Dad and I now have a stronger bond I think because I don't live with them. There's a new respect level, and I believe they now see me more as an adult. And to be completely honest, I wouldn't give up that feeling for anything in this whole world.
Now if you know me pretty well you may already know that I have a hard time expressing my feelings about current things. It's so easy for me to say I love you, give hugs and kisses to my nieces, I could do it all day.
However, I have a hard time doing that with anyone else. I'm slowly starting to come out of my shell but I am very reserved and closed off to a lot of people. It's hard for me sometimes to say I love you, or even give a hug. Not because I don't love you, but because I am now scared of opening up to anyone. All I can say right now if you're reading this and you feel as if I do not show you that I care about you, or that I love you, please take my word for it. I truly love you and I am so grateful to have you in my life.
So now that it is already Tuesday, I'm so off on my days! I have to get back to the grind of life, focus on me, move forward and love me! I am going to leave everyone on some good notes, I'm going to share some of my favorite pictures from this past weekend and share with you some of my favorite quotes. These quotes help me get through tough days.
I hope you all enjoyed your weekend as much as I did!
Until next time,
Health & Happiness
Mags
RIP Grandpa Munn
"If you don't get lost there's a chance you may never be found" ~ Unknown Author
"I'll never reach my destination if I never try, so I will sail my vessel til the river runs dry" ~ Garth Brooks
"I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want." ~Mark Twain
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
**Some of my FAVORITE pictures!!**
Rachael, Sara, Megs & I 
The girls for Rachael's Wedding
Rachael & I 
Uncle Nick & Stella 
Grandma CeCe & Ava dancin
Me being silly, BIG BLONDE HAIR!!!!
Mary & Jack Jack on our last walk together 
Jordan, Me, Megs & Em always have fun together!!
Grandpa & Ava reading together
The Helsper kids! 
Emily & I @ Rachael's Wedding 
The future! Baby Betlach!!
Stella & Ava as BABIES!!!On a light note! I thought I would share some of my FAVORITE pictures!
I'm getting ready for this LONG weekend and 25th birthday. I hope you all have a great weekend, and enjoy time with family and friends!!
Until next time
Health & Happiness
XO XO Maggie!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Overcoming Self Destruction
Now being the person I am and have always been I try to find the easy way out of more things. So when it came to me not feeling well yesterday I sat at my desk thinking to myself all day about every excuse I could come up with as to why I was NOT going to the gym that night.
I DID however not feel well, but I also knew that working out helps with what was wrong with me. But a small part of me just didn't want to do it! I just wanted to go home, lay on the couch and watch "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and call it a day!
But the more I sat here the more I knew I had to push myself and just go. So 4:30pm came and it was time to break out of here and I decided to just let my car take me where it thought I should go. All along I knew it was my mind that decided to turn my car right and not left to go home.
I pushed myself to go to the gym, I knew it wasn't going to be a HUGE work out because I still wasn't feeling well but by the time I got there and got started it didn't even bother me anymore.
Finally 6:30pm rolled around, I lost track of time and didn't realize I had been there for almost 2 hours. So my advise to anyone who is deep down "self destructing", meaning not allowing yourself that feeling of self gratitude then get up and do something about it! YOU hold your own destiny in your hands; no one else does.
Don't let anyone bring you down, strive to do your best, and move forward in life never back.
I'm not gonna lie a tiny little part of me loved the complements from friends and family, it makes you want to keep going and show them just what your made of!
Until next time,
Health & Happiness
Maggie
I DID however not feel well, but I also knew that working out helps with what was wrong with me. But a small part of me just didn't want to do it! I just wanted to go home, lay on the couch and watch "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and call it a day!
But the more I sat here the more I knew I had to push myself and just go. So 4:30pm came and it was time to break out of here and I decided to just let my car take me where it thought I should go. All along I knew it was my mind that decided to turn my car right and not left to go home.
I pushed myself to go to the gym, I knew it wasn't going to be a HUGE work out because I still wasn't feeling well but by the time I got there and got started it didn't even bother me anymore.
Finally 6:30pm rolled around, I lost track of time and didn't realize I had been there for almost 2 hours. So my advise to anyone who is deep down "self destructing", meaning not allowing yourself that feeling of self gratitude then get up and do something about it! YOU hold your own destiny in your hands; no one else does.
Don't let anyone bring you down, strive to do your best, and move forward in life never back.
I'm not gonna lie a tiny little part of me loved the complements from friends and family, it makes you want to keep going and show them just what your made of!
Until next time,
Health & Happiness
Maggie
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